finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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