i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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