Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
