Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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