My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
