man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
