Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
