Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
