Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
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First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
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Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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