You just made me feel so damn special
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
