He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
