I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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