There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
