You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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