I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
