im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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