It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
