If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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