I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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