do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
