Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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