You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
