I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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