i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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