Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
MIDGETS
????
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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