just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
