I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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