just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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