If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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