This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize