did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.