I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.