I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?