I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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