There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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