I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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