Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
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He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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