I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
