yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
