She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
