I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
