xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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