wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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