My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
