i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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