life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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