I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
