let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
