I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
