After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
