Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
