brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
