So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
