It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want to be your penis for a week.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
