the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
