We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
