i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
