she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
